I stopped writing for a few days.
I didn’t feel like it, but mainly, I didn’t know what to write about because my head was a complete mess. Confusion was everywhere, and questions that no one wants to answers to were torturing me. This is not an article about surfing. This is about the choices we make. And, maybe you tell yourself I should have stick with an article about Hawaii, about something that is currently happening in the surf world. But you know what? Screw that, this is my blog, and I feel like writing about the future, and that’s what I am going to do. If there’s, at least, a thing I wanted to be in my life, it’s free, so my blog better shows that part of me. I write what I want, whenever I want it. And, that’s the fun part!
My heart discovered traveling while I was young enough to fall in love with places but wise enough to avoid a man’s love. It was trouble, and no one liked trouble when it involved an organ of yours that can easily get hurt. So I kept collecting strangers as new brothers and lovers as friends. I kept the road as my only way and my thoughts wandering to places I could explore next, where the sea would embrace my soul. Where I would be able to feel at home. I’ve always been happy that way, but I am still young. Happiness is in every corner of the room, and change is a constant thing.
I may be young, but I am logic enough to know that I need to figure out my future. At least, eventually. I need to know where I am going and what I want in my life. It’s hard, and it’s a question that is tormenting every one of us. We are asked at a young age what we want to do when we grow up, and our answer usually doesn’t make sense. I still figured out at a young age that I wanted to write, but I didn’t know what about. I discovered fashion, and I then learned every brand that could ever exist and my knowledge was impeccable. I was dreaming of red buses, British accents, and fashion runways. I lived that, and I loved it. We all know, though, that love doesn’t last forever, and I eventually got tired of it. I needed something more challenging to write about. I wanted to change the world, being the one that would go to these war places and write about it. Being the one that could change the way people think with simple words written under a warm desert sun. I quickly understood that the media aren’t honest and that everything we read isn’t the truth – it’s the way the journalists see it. It scared me, so I ran away.
I found myself looking at a sunset on a quiet beach, listening to the ocean drifting to shores and understanding that I wanted to write about surfing. What’s more beautiful than the way the ocean accept humans and connect with them? So I worked my arse off until I was able to launch my surf blog with something competent to say while I never thought my words really mattered. I put my heart into it and still do, every day. I failed, tried again, and failed again. Every chance we seize can make a difference, and failing was the best teacher for me.
But, even though two months ago I was sure of what I wanted, it’s easy to see other opportunities and to forget what our first goal was. Did it matter? What if it wasn’t what I was meant to be? What if I was going there instead? Or staying here? And what about school? And travel?
It was stressful, and I was freaking out at the idea of taking the wrong choice. Losing opportunities that I will never be able to get back. I was scared that with a small decision, all my future could have changed, for the best or the worse. It’s something we all go through as a kid. Because hey, I am still a kid! I don’t know what I want, I am free as the wind and if I want to change my situation in the world tomorrow morning, I sure as hell can!
And that’s when I realized, it didn’t matter. Don’t ignore opportunities that comes up because there is one already waiting for you further the road. Seize everything you can, and use it as a learning process.
I don’t know if I am going to be a journalist one day or not. Neither what I am going to do with my future. I just know I will be my best at everything I do, and I will find happiness next to the sea, no matter if it’s just surfing in it or writing about it.
And I am happy that way. Are you?